She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
