It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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