just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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