you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
