I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
