Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
