I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
