I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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