didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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