This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
