I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
