she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
