One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
