no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
