i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
