Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
