My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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