Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
