It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
