Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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