so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
