you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
FUCK WHALES
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
