haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
