thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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