This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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