i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
