okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
