Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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