the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
