Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
