I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
