my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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