You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
