i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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