you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
