According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
