I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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