And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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