If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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