Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize
