You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
