Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
