For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
