I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Vodka?
Forever.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
