The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
