Non-Jews are for practice
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
