puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
