She's never allowed to turn 21 again
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
