Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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