The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
