she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
