I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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