Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
