last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
